Lauren, Lately

I replay our love story in my head like the movie it deserves to be.

My original plans for Paris included wine, sightseeing, the Moulin Rouge, and pack of Vogues.

But the universe had other plans for me.

It all started with a change in location on my Hinge profile. My best friend and I had been drinking too many bottles of wine while watching the Eiffel Tower glimmer with every passing hour. Laughing and creating lifelong memories that are still imprinted in my mind. So we were just expecting to meet some guys for drinks, maybe some pasta, and a fun night out.

But then I matched with him.

When we got back to the hotel we had video chatted on instagram with him and giggled and showed off our American charm. This was innocent flirting in my mind, just a cute boy with a French accent. He said he would bring a friend and meet us at our hotel lobby and take us for pasta and wine. It was the perfect way to end our first night in Paris.

As soon as I laid my eyes on this man I knew that this wasn’t just for one night. He was tall, handsome, had a French rapper style, wore thin clear glasses over his dreamy blue eyes- I was mesmerized by his accent immediately. He could say anything and I would’ve listened. I had a pounding in my heart, there wasn’t enough wine in the world to stop the butterflies flying around in my stomach.

So we started to walk down the streets of Paris to a little restaurant with the men of the night.

Now I had been talking to a boy back home that was far too young for me, and far too uninterested in seeing me consistently. We were back and forth about how I was upset with him living his life, but I could do whatever I wanted. We can go back a few blog posts and see how this works for me…

Hypocritical, illogical, immature.

I know.

But as we ate at the restaurant, I remained in a text battle with this boy while the one who would change my heart, sat across from me. He could tell I was upset, so he got up from his seat and came to sit beside me. I will never forget how this made me feel. To know that he was choosing to keep interest in me. To keep my full attention. He began to ask me questions and the wine answered them far too honestly. I explained the situation with the boy. And later on, I realized I probably spoke too quickly for him to understand my English. So I was just a hothead American girl with too much to say, too fast.

He shut me up with a kiss.

A language we both understood.

It was the first time I saw fireworks as my eyes closed and we stood making out in the streets. He felt like a dream. I could’ve stood there with him forever in that moment. I wish I could go back just to experience it again. Just to feel him for the first time, kiss him for the first time, fall for him for the first time. He was magic. My heart softened in ways I never thought it could.

We walked to the Eiffel Tower and kissed as it sparkled in the background. I truly felt like I was living a real life romance movie. It didn’t even feel real.

But he was, and it was.

My friend didn’t care for his friend, so our first night together ended abruptly. She didn’t want to take one for the team any longer, and I don’t blame her. It was well past midnight, and we had a full day of plans ahead of us. But it was the hardest “have a good night” I had ever said.

And we parted.

But not for long.

I couldn’t stop thinking about him. He was all I wanted, but I had to keep reminding myself this was a combined birthday trip with my friend. We had decided to come here together for our birthdays, it had been something we couldn’t wait for. So our girls trip carried on and the following day was an itinerary filled with as many activities as we could possibly do in 24 hours. And we fucking did it all.

Around 3am he crept back into my mind while we were at the night club dancing with other men. The boy I had met there was much too young and only fun for a moment, it was my turn to take one for the team as she had taken an interest in his friend. We had an amazing night with these guys, but it wasn’t where I wanted to end up. As my friend and I were sitting outside the night club, I looked at her and she knew exactly where my heart was. She nodded, and we took our separate Ubers.

To be continued…..

As I lie here writing out this memory, I can’t help but feel a ping in my stomach where the butterflies used to be.

I wish I could tell this story without knowing how it ends.

So here’s to continuing to write about where my heart is-

Maybe somewhere along the way I’ll find it again.

But will it be where I left it?